The Race
Once upon a time, men decided to turn life into a game, a race. They drew track lines and put up fences and started competing against each other. They decided that only men were allowed to run, while women were placed behind the fences to serve as an audience together with the children. The running track was a big circle and there was no real beginning or end to the race. The only goal was to surpass everyone else and to never be caught up with. The running men were admired by their young sons who, as soon as they were old enough, were allowed into the running track. Their entire life, the sons had only seen glimpses of their fathers rushing past them, so they were eager to chase them, hoping to one day catch up. What would happen if they caught up with their fathers? The sons wondered. Would their fathers be proud? Would they finally spend time with them? This race must truly be amazing, the sons thought, since it made their fathers abandon their life and families.
One day, one of the sons finally grew strong and fast enough to reach his father. His father recognized him and indeed, he was proud of his son. It brought the son immense joy to finally see his fathers face and be his equal. They talked, but the conversation was short. They had to focus on the run. The son noticed that his father didn’t look as strong and accomplished as he had imagined him. His feeling of joy and accomplishment soon started fading and he found himself feeling empty. What was he running for now that he had reached his father and they didn’t have anything to talk about? He realized what his father already had found out, that there was nothing to look forward to, nothing to win, nothing to gain. But because he had spent so much of his life chasing the front, he saw no exit. If he stopped running, what would the others think of him? And what else would he live for, if not for the run? He could never go back to his mother, behind the fences with the weak. That shame would be unbearable. So, he continued running, keeping up the illusion of “the great run” for everyone behind him.
The women admired the race and the men running. The race seemed esteemed, and just being able to stand at the front of the fence seemed like a privilege. They would shout and scream from behind the fence separating the runners from the spectators. If they shouted loud enough, waved enthusiastically enough, sometimes a man would grab their arm and drag them into the running track. They would carry the woman, feeling her up and enjoying the closeness, while at the same time continue running.
To the woman who was swept up, the feeling of the speed and being carried by strong arms was exhilarating and she was, for the first time in her life, seeing the world from this new perspective. The man carrying the woman bathed in the woman’s admiration and wonder. To him the track, the lines, the other running men, had been the same all these years, so it was nice to have someone look at their lives with naïve admiration, believing in some great purpose, like he himself once had believed. But soon the man got tired of running and carrying the woman at the same time, so he dropped her, right on the ground. Perplexed and ashamed the woman ran back to the fence, turning into a laughingstock for the other audience members, for having thought that she was in any position to be in the running track in the first place.
With time more and more women were swept up into the running tracks. When the men dropped them, after carrying them for a while, some of the women would run back crying, but others would stay, despite the mockery. The women who stayed, tried to run after the men who had dropped them, but would lose sight of them. After all, they were no match. Still some kept running. Men who had given up on trying to reach the front, but felt like it would be to shameful to drop out of the race, would slow down their pace, and offer these women on the running track, lessons and advice, to teach them how to run properly. One such woman, who was offered help from a man, felt honoured and grateful, thinking that this great man was slowing down his pace in generosity, just to help her get better. The man on the other hand was happy to finally bathe in admiration and get his mind off the monotony of the race.
After a while, with the guidance of her new teacher, the woman got better and faster, soon surpassing him. But the man was not ready to give up his newfound role as an admired and worshiped leader. He didn’t want to go back on focusing on the race, when he knew he was not good enough to compete with the others. This woman was giving him the feeling of winning without him even trying. Fearful of losing this admiration of hers and yet again ending up in a position of feeling like a looser, he started belittling her, to keep her ambitions at bay. For a long time, the woman would believe her teacher, that she was not good enough to surpass him and that she should not try, but after a while, she took a chance and sure enough, surpassed him! She would meet new teachers, learn from them, and surpass them, until one day, she finally reached the man she had been chasing all along. That wonderful man who once had carried her but dropped her again because she was getting too heavy. Now she was his equal. Now she could run beside him, without being a heavy burden.
As soon as that man saw her, he was struck by awe and surprise. Never had he seen a woman such far along in the race. But then he remembered that his goal had never been to find an equal partner, but to catch up with his father and surpass everyone else. Quickly he lost interest in the woman and focused his attention back on what was in front of him. The woman felt discouraged. She had worked so hard and for what? The man wasn’t looking at her at all! He was only looking in front of himself. What was it that was so great in the front, that took up all this man’s attention? If she reached this front, if she surpassed him, if she were in front of him, would he look at her then?
So, the women started working harder and harder every day, until one day, she finally surpassed her man. The man was stunned. How could it be that a woman could run so fast? But then he got annoyed. Why was this woman so persistent? What did she want from him? She had turned into a nuisance and was blocking his view from his real goal and at the same time, now she was part of the hindrance, a competitor.
When the woman realized that the man was now looking at her, but only to defeat her, she was filled with desperation, sadness and hurt. Why could they not go back to that time when he used to carry her? Suddenly it hit her. All this time she had been chasing this man, hoping to get him to carry her and give her that feeling she had gotten from her first taste of speed and exhilaration. But now she was able to run herself, so why would she even need this man to carry her? All this time, she had been living the existence she thought was only possible in the arms of that man, because all her life she had believed that women were to weak to run on their own.
When she realized this, she felt proud at first, but soon lost motivation. She had accomplished her goal, so now what? What was the point? What was she running for? What else should she do? Should she stop? Go back to the fences and be an audience member? And then what? Go back to admiring the men for things she now was able to do on her own? So, she kept on running, for the same reasons everyone else, who had discovered the meaninglessness of the race, did. And like the fathers to their sons, she became the goal of younger women who had entered the race for the same reasons she once had. To chase men, to find that they didn’t need them after all and in the end being lost for reasons to keep running. Maybe that great woman in the front, the one who surpassed them all, knew a different reason to keep running. Maybe she had the answers.